


Black

by Chelsea072498



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 18:39:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14879124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelsea072498/pseuds/Chelsea072498
Summary: Dean angst inspired by the song Black by Pearl Jam.





	Black

##  **Black**

**_Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay_ **

**_Were laid spread out before me as her body once did._ **

He’d known when he walked into the room the reminders would be there. They’d left in a hurry a few days before. She’d been so excited about her project. She was touched he’d bought the art supplies and black for her. His eyes fell on the only canvas she’d had a chance to start working on.

_**All five horizons revolved around her soul as the earth to the sun** _

_**Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn** _

_“You really like all this art stuff, huh?” Dean Winchester smiled at the woman in front of him. Her long Y/H/C hair was pulled into a messy bun. “You’re not going to go crazy, are you?”_

_“You said I could recreate this room, for us.” She reminded him. “Trust me, Dean. I did spend quite a bit of time in school for this.”_

_“You can do whatever you want, Sweetheart.” Dean pulled her into his arms. “You promised me an hour in the gun range.”_

**_Ooh, and all I taught her was everything_ **

**_Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore_ **

_Dean smiled as she hit the target. It had taken her time to get use to the idea of holding a gun, but she was getting better everyday. “Nice work, Y/N.”_

_“I had a good teacher.” She winked._

_“Did you?” Dean asked. He leaned in and kissed her. “Did this teacher give you any other lessons?”_

_“Plenty,” She kissed him back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’d be happy to show you what I learned….”_

He looked around. He saw her everywhere. Without thinking, he picked up one of the pails filled with paint and threw it at one wall. The black color splattered against the wall. Dean grabbed another and threw it against the other wall. Soon, the canvases, the furniture, walls, and floor were all covered with black paint.

_**And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds of what was everything.** _

_**Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…** _

He had to get out of the bunker. Dean didn’t want Sam or Cas to see him this way. They’d warned him. They’d begged him…..He hadn’t listened to them. He hadn’t listened to her.

_**I take a walk outside, I’m surrounded by some kids at play** _

_**I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?** _

_**Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head, I’m spinning, oh,** _

_**I’m spinning, how quick the sun can drop away** _

The park usually helped Dean calm down. Watching the kids play, free and happy, gave him more than enough reasons to keep fighting the fight. The kids were able to live, play, and enjoy being children. He knew that what he and Sam did, what he’d brought Y/N in to help them continue, was worth it. Today, his only thoughts were the children he and Y/N would never have now. He couldn’t help but glare at the children, and their parents. Another realization that happiness didn’t happen in this life.

He returned to the bunker with a case of beer and locked himself in the room. Their room.

**_And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything_ **

**_All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…_ **

Sam heard the glass and kicked the door opened. He saw the picture frames on the floor, Dean’s bloody hands, and the room practically black. “Dean?”

“Go, Sammy! Just go! My world…It’s black. It’s just…black now.”

_“What the hell are you saying?” Y/N asked._

_“I’m saying it’s been fun, but you can’t come back to the bunker with us. You can’t be anywhere near us.” Dean looked everywhere but her face. He saw Sam’s face. His brother was furious._

_“I’m fine!” She grabbed his arms but he pulled away. “Dean, I’m fine! The werewolf didn’t bite me! I was able to kill it and get out.”_

_“It was too close!” Dean snapped. “Damn it, Sweetheart, it’s been fun. It’s been a lot of fun. It’s over now. I was going to break up with you before this case but there wasn’t time. I don’t want you around anymore.”_

_“Bullshit.” She grabbed his face and forced him to look at her. “You love me.”_

_“No, I don’t.” He closed his eyes._

_“Look into my eyes! You are going to claim you’re too damaged to love anyone, aren’t you? You’re going to tell me that you aren’t capable….”_

_Dean took a deep breath and hoped he could say the words. This was the only way he would be able to save her. “I don’t love you, Y/N. Half the time, I only tolerated you because you were fantastic in bed.”_

_She should have slapped him. Instead she let go of him and backed away. “You don’t mean that, Dean. I know you don’t. We were talking about the future. We were planning…”_

_“I was playing along.” Dean turned away. “Cas, please….”_

_Cas regretted agreeing to this. “Dean, I….”_

_“What’s Cas got to do with this?” Y/N asked. She saw Sam’s face and understood. “You’re going to have him erase my memories, aren’t you?”_

_“It’s better that way. You can have a normal life.” Dean told her._

_“You son of a bitch!” Y/N moved in front of him and started pounding on his chest. “You think you’re broken inside, but you’re really just an asshole! You don’t really care about protecting me. If you did, you wouldn’t send me away! You’d keep me close!”_

_“I am an asshole.” Dean told her. “Goodbye, Sweetheart. Have a good life.”_

**_All the love gone bad turned my world to black_ **

**_Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I’ll be… yeah…_ **

She was gone. For good. Dean had a chance at happiness. He had a chance at something he’d never imagined. He’d let her go.

**_I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life_ **

Y/N would bounce back. She’d never remember the life she’d lived with him. She’d find someone with a normal job and her dreams would come true.

Dean hurt knowing he wasn’t going to be the man to make that happen. He was never the man that was going to make her dreams come true. Y/N was going to give someone all the love she had in her heart. She’d find someone to worship her the way she deserved.

**_I know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky_ **

He’d never stop questioning his decision to let her go. He’d never stop asking why he couldn’t let her stay.

_**But why, why, why can’t it be, can’t it be mine?** _

His eyes wandered the room destroyed in his grief. Black. Everywhere. All he saw was black as he eyes finally closed for the first time in three days and he slipped into a restless sleep dreaming about trying to save Y/N from a werewolf that was determined to make her his mate…..


End file.
